Never Criticize, Never Condemn, Never Complain (A.K.A. Stop Bitchin’)

“Bitch” – noun: a female dog, wolf, fox. (informal) a difficult or unpleasant situation or thing. – verb: express displeasure; grumble.

Greeting Barbarian! Long days and Pleasant nights!

Again, thank you my generous Barbarians for helping me reach a 1k followers. Mere words cannot express how much I appreciate you, in joining me on this journey. But amidst the celebration, I must take a turn into something a bit more serious….

In this modern time, criticism is a major fact of life. Technology has made it easy for us to make a critique out of something. There is always something to prove otherwise. Last night, I was reading some article about the recent Met Gala held in New York. I came across an article criticizing some attendees that did not comply with this years’ theme. It has become clear to me that criticism is a huge part of our everyday lives. People have become so sensitive and entitled. Even a simple deviation could trigger a reaction from a huge chunk of the population. And I should know, I am part of it…

Let me tell you a good story about a friend of mine…

A few years ago, back when I was struggling with my marital woes. I was at work and talking to some of my colleagues about something that I can no longer remember. As it continues, a new female employee responded with something that is not up to my standards. And being the bitch that I was, I was quick to criticize her in front of others. Unbeknownst to me for many years after that, I made my poor colleague ran to the ladies’ room and cried. Up to now, I cannot forgive myself for doing that. My marital problem is not an excuse for my bad behavior. I could shut up, but instead, I choose to be weak. I choose to criticize, condemn and complain. But still, she chooses to be my friend during the times that I have none. So, for the time you spend in the bathroom crying Anna Vill this is for you.

It has been years after that blatant display of bad behavior, I was not proud of myself, to be honest. What I thought to be edgy and witty, is an expression of my weakness. Those who surround me are getting tired of my bitching. I was radioactive, I was driving people away. I ask myself countless times why and all I realize is that what I do makes me look weak. I came off as a man who cannot hold his shit together despite everything I do. So, I made it to myself never to bitch again. If I cannot be strong at least I could act as if I am strong. I ditch my old mentality of taking pride in my wit and authenticity. I adopted a more self-reliant and well-rounded mentality. I always reminded myself not to be critical on a constant basis…

“I am here to win, not to make friends”, one often said. But what one does not realize is that one need friends to win. With the tremendous pressure, we must face each day, it is no wonder why some are quick to criticize others. Some say that one must learn to handle criticism to grow. But to be honest, it is a glorified excuse to tolerate one’s weakness. The mistake lies in thinking that people are logical beings, rather than an emotional one. People will be defensive when they are criticized, condemned and complain about. People will try to justify themselves and will try to prove you wrong. By criticizing, condemning, and complain, we do not make lasting changes. It will make you feel good after but there will be resentment from whom you have criticized. Resentment, in turn, can demoralize people, and still not correct the situation.

Even from a very selfish standpoint, criticism is never the answer. Criticism would make you feel good about yourself for a very short time. But a lifetime of being resented is too steep of a price for that. As I said, we human beings are emotional creatures. We thirst for approval and we dread condemnation.

If what I mentioned about still does not convince you, I want you to consider this. Criticism, condemnation, and complaints are signs of weakness, desperation and lack of control. Criticism means lack of satisfaction. Condemnation means hurt. Complaining means that the situation is dire. Words that are not the best description of any man, or anyone in general. Simply put, a bitch and to be honest no one likes a man who is a bitch.

What can I say? Life has been great ever since I adopted the mantra. I always remind myself not to criticize nor condemn others. I’m making a conscious decision not to complain. Whenever I hear myself complain, I will stop and apologize for my behavior. That is unacceptable and unfair to anyone I am talking to. No one wants to hear someone complain, it is always nice to share something good with someone. By not criticizing, I was able to let go of some excess baggage. I was able to forgive some people and I was able to live in the present instead of the past. I could say that these ideals are responsible for my strength. I was able to forge new friendships and nurture the ties that bind it.

Today, everyone always has something to say. Our modern conveniences made it easy for us to be critical of others. With just a few keystrokes we could condemn someone halfway around the world with ease. But remember this my faithful Barbarians, they do not have any of the advantages that we are not currently blessed with. Hell, we do not even know what they are going through so why criticize something that we just have a bare understanding of? It is easy to criticize even those whom we came across face to face daily. It is easy to whisper words of criticism under a breath. I know that not everything is up to your standards but do yourself a favor and do not criticize them. Do it for yourself and not for them. Do it because you are strong, do it because you are a man.

“Just because you could, does not mean you should”, I always remind myself that. What you say can be truly used against you and sometimes silence is the best answer. Even in my writing, I try to be as responsible for what I say. As for Anna Vill, she became one of my best friends despite how badly I treated her. Few are lucky to have someone with that kind of heart. I owe it to her to be a charming and sensible man that I am now. She serves as my constant reminder that there is no excuse for bad behavior. So, Anna Vill, I hope this did you any justice and here is a heartfelt apology over the years. Cheers to you my friend! And always remember to live a life of COURAGE and FREEDOM!!!!