Never Criticize, Never Condemn, Never Complain (A.K.A. Stop Bitchin’)

“Bitch” – noun: a female dog, wolf, fox. (informal) a difficult or unpleasant situation or thing. – verb: express displeasure; grumble.

Greeting Barbarian! Long days and Pleasant nights!

Again, thank you my generous Barbarians for helping me reach a 1k followers. Mere words cannot express how much I appreciate you, in joining me on this journey. But amidst the celebration, I must take a turn into something a bit more serious….

In this modern time, criticism is a major fact of life. Technology has made it easy for us to make a critique out of something. There is always something to prove otherwise. Last night, I was reading some article about the recent Met Gala held in New York. I came across an article criticizing some attendees that did not comply with this years’ theme. It has become clear to me that criticism is a huge part of our everyday lives. People have become so sensitive and entitled. Even a simple deviation could trigger a reaction from a huge chunk of the population. And I should know, I am part of it…

Let me tell you a good story about a friend of mine…

A few years ago, back when I was struggling with my marital woes. I was at work and talking to some of my colleagues about something that I can no longer remember. As it continues, a new female employee responded with something that is not up to my standards. And being the bitch that I was, I was quick to criticize her in front of others. Unbeknownst to me for many years after that, I made my poor colleague ran to the ladies’ room and cried. Up to now, I cannot forgive myself for doing that. My marital problem is not an excuse for my bad behavior. I could shut up, but instead, I choose to be weak. I choose to criticize, condemn and complain. But still, she chooses to be my friend during the times that I have none. So, for the time you spend in the bathroom crying Anna Vill this is for you.

It has been years after that blatant display of bad behavior, I was not proud of myself, to be honest. What I thought to be edgy and witty, is an expression of my weakness. Those who surround me are getting tired of my bitching. I was radioactive, I was driving people away. I ask myself countless times why and all I realize is that what I do makes me look weak. I came off as a man who cannot hold his shit together despite everything I do. So, I made it to myself never to bitch again. If I cannot be strong at least I could act as if I am strong. I ditch my old mentality of taking pride in my wit and authenticity. I adopted a more self-reliant and well-rounded mentality. I always reminded myself not to be critical on a constant basis…

“I am here to win, not to make friends”, one often said. But what one does not realize is that one need friends to win. With the tremendous pressure, we must face each day, it is no wonder why some are quick to criticize others. Some say that one must learn to handle criticism to grow. But to be honest, it is a glorified excuse to tolerate one’s weakness. The mistake lies in thinking that people are logical beings, rather than an emotional one. People will be defensive when they are criticized, condemned and complain about. People will try to justify themselves and will try to prove you wrong. By criticizing, condemning, and complain, we do not make lasting changes. It will make you feel good after but there will be resentment from whom you have criticized. Resentment, in turn, can demoralize people, and still not correct the situation.

Even from a very selfish standpoint, criticism is never the answer. Criticism would make you feel good about yourself for a very short time. But a lifetime of being resented is too steep of a price for that. As I said, we human beings are emotional creatures. We thirst for approval and we dread condemnation.

If what I mentioned about still does not convince you, I want you to consider this. Criticism, condemnation, and complaints are signs of weakness, desperation and lack of control. Criticism means lack of satisfaction. Condemnation means hurt. Complaining means that the situation is dire. Words that are not the best description of any man, or anyone in general. Simply put, a bitch and to be honest no one likes a man who is a bitch.

What can I say? Life has been great ever since I adopted the mantra. I always remind myself not to criticize nor condemn others. I’m making a conscious decision not to complain. Whenever I hear myself complain, I will stop and apologize for my behavior. That is unacceptable and unfair to anyone I am talking to. No one wants to hear someone complain, it is always nice to share something good with someone. By not criticizing, I was able to let go of some excess baggage. I was able to forgive some people and I was able to live in the present instead of the past. I could say that these ideals are responsible for my strength. I was able to forge new friendships and nurture the ties that bind it.

Today, everyone always has something to say. Our modern conveniences made it easy for us to be critical of others. With just a few keystrokes we could condemn someone halfway around the world with ease. But remember this my faithful Barbarians, they do not have any of the advantages that we are not currently blessed with. Hell, we do not even know what they are going through so why criticize something that we just have a bare understanding of? It is easy to criticize even those whom we came across face to face daily. It is easy to whisper words of criticism under a breath. I know that not everything is up to your standards but do yourself a favor and do not criticize them. Do it for yourself and not for them. Do it because you are strong, do it because you are a man.

“Just because you could, does not mean you should”, I always remind myself that. What you say can be truly used against you and sometimes silence is the best answer. Even in my writing, I try to be as responsible for what I say. As for Anna Vill, she became one of my best friends despite how badly I treated her. Few are lucky to have someone with that kind of heart. I owe it to her to be a charming and sensible man that I am now. She serves as my constant reminder that there is no excuse for bad behavior. So, Anna Vill, I hope this did you any justice and here is a heartfelt apology over the years. Cheers to you my friend! And always remember to live a life of COURAGE and FREEDOM!!!!

“In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. _Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,_ he told me, _just remember that all the people

27 thoughts on “Never Criticize, Never Condemn, Never Complain (A.K.A. Stop Bitchin’)

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    1. And I agree to your mum, I acknowledge that not everything is up to my standards. There are things that still makes me raise my eyebrows and scratch my head. But still, I would remind myself to be quiet about it.
      Cheers to your mum! 🍸

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Great article. I’ve made similar mistakes in the past that I am more conscious now not to repeat. This article though allowed me to have more compassion for people who did the same towards me. Thank you.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I understand. But yes I try to remind myself these things all the time.
        Before I say something, I ask myself “would these make me sound weak?”. When I start hearing myself complaining, I stop and apologize.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a great reminder to myself to be kind (something I struggle with sometimes, lol). Thanks for sharing your thoughts (and for following my blog by the way!) 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Eris! Thank you for commenting.
      I agree, it is hard to be nice at times. Like i said, there will be moments that will make you raise your eyebrows or make you scratch your head. We cannot expect to be ourself to be nice all the time, since we are just human. But we can definitely choose to be strong. 😊

      Cheers to you! 🍸

      Like

  3. You know this is a nice interesting post. I agree to many people feel entitled to things they do not deserve simple because they want it. Where I disagree is this,outrage is not normally caused by many,on the contrary I think only a few. Yet those few people will not stop talking until someone hears them. And these are the people we see so the appearance of outrage is huge when in fact it is perhaps far less. Think about this, when two people say the same thing to you, you then become more aware of it. How if a third brings up the same thing it is now on your mind that ” everybody”, is talking about it. Just an observation

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi hmaxwell! Thanks for joining in.

      I think it depends on the reason for their outrage, if it is just as simple as not dressing up according to the theme of the Met Gala, then I think it is just petty. Again, it depends on the cause of the outrage.

      As for the 3 people saying things to me, depends on how they say it. As I said, there is no excuse for bad behavior. What they say and how they say it is a reflection of themselves, not of me. What I can do about what they say will be of my own reflection. I can either address it in a manner that is pleasant or I can dismiss it entirely. All I know is that I will try to choose to address it in a manner that will show my strength of character.

      I hope my answer gave you any justice. 😊
      Cheers mate! 🍸

      Liked by 1 person

  4. i like how you always tell us both sides of the coin. criticism can be painful if done maliciously or in anger as in some cases but it can be helpful if it is intended with kindness and grace. remember it is the tone that inflicts the pain not just the words. we lose situational awareness sometimes and need to understand our position, why we need to speak up, possibly was necessary in the first place. but i agree that social media allows us to be critical and anonymous…that is the pitfall. we must have accountability like you did with your friend. a timely post especially for millennials I think

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Gina, sorry for the late reply! I fell asleep last night!

      Well, I believe that there are 3 ways to address things.
      1. Address it pleasantly
      2. Adderss it unplesantly
      3 Not address it at all

      And yes, I agree with you. Tone and expressions can also inflicts pain.

      Personally, I make it to myself not to speak if nothing good is gonna come out of my mouth. I’ll try to redirect my attention into something that is worth my time.

      But again, I do not believe in absolutes. There is always some room for exceptions. One cannot really box themselves.

      I hope my answer suffice =)
      Cheers!

      Like

  5. In my language it is another meaning for bitch – dead rotting animal body. 😂😂😂 People botching because that want to defend themselves but there are so many ways without doing that. Yeah, I don’t give a shit about people’s opinion I stop bitching. But if I would I would be continuing being bitch.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hmmm. This is a helpful post. Your view is thoughtful, and the way you live your life is a great example for others to follow. I usually don’t mind if someone complains. We all go through challenges and expressing our frustration to someone who gives us a moment of their time, helps us to not feel alone, helps us to feel seen. Now, if someone complains about the same thing for weeks or months; I might gently offer that perhaps they might gain a different perspective or seek a solution. Criticizing doesn’t bother me either, if it is done while considering the feelings of those whom you are criticizing. I invite honestly in my relationships, because I want to know if I’m doing, or have done, something that bothers others. I want to know so that I can better myself, or make amends if needed. Condemning is a bit different. There are specific acts that I feel must be condemned. There are simply some things that do not support society in moving forward. To me, condemning is to be used to express disapproval with a behavior that seriously harms or destroys.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Fall Faust, thank you for joining in.
      Yes, I totally agree with all that you said.
      But I’m talking about being on the giving end of the criticism, not the receiving end.
      Yes, one must be strong enough to take criticism. But one should be much stronger not to give one. The ability to maintain composure even when something is not up to one’s standard.

      Cheers! 🍸

      Like

      1. Yes, I understand what you’re saying. I don’t think that we should go around criticizing. But in my circle, we nurture “criticism,” considering it to be “honesty.” We believe that honesty is necessary in order to live an authentic, fulfilling life. But again, we give criticism/honesty in a gentle, respectful way. Giving criticism/honesty is actually quite difficult, because you’re taking a chance that the person on the receiving end will respond in a way that might cause you hurt ie., anger, threats, ending the relationship… So, if you look at it that way, the person “criticizing” is strong. Anyway, that’s just how I see it. My way is what works for me, everyone doesn’t have to do the same. And yes, composure is always helpful 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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