Live Free from Your Father’s Expectations

Greetings Barbarians! Long days and pleasant nights!

Fathers have a very special hold to his son’s heart; his life lessons are something every man admires. But along his wisdom also comes his critical eye that we are all afraid of.

My fondest memory of my dad was the time he taught me how to fly my kite. The times we spend designing, making the kite and flying it are some of the moments I cherished the most. I could say with so much pride that he was a man who did his best with what he has. But I also remember a time when he was so disappointed with my exams for getting one answer wrong. Dad wanted me to be perfect, or at least his version of perfect. In his mind, if I could get the other correct answers, then why can’t I get the remaining one.

My dad never attended college; he went straight to work after finishing high school. Because of that, he placed so much importance to education and I can understand why. But I also learned later on that being #1 or academic excellence isn’t everything in life. There is nothing wrong for not having outstanding grades or being number two. And I think did well for someone who isn’t number one and didn’t graduate with flying colors.

Dads are great; we can all agree that at one point in our lives, we all admire our fathers. The infinite wisdom he had and his indomitable will seems to overcome anything. At one point in our lives, our fathers are our heroes.

But despite the awesomeness of our fathers, we tend to forget that he is also a man. A man whose experience shaped his lookout and wisdom in life. Along with those experiences, developed his expectations in life.

While it is true that the apple does not fall far from the tree, but it’s also true that his life is not your experience. Sure, it has similarities but not all hence, not all his expectations in life is yours to fulfill. To be a free man, a man must live outside his father’s expectations.

But of course, there are those expectations that make sense to you and thus should be taken to heart. It does not mean that if your dad wants you to be an engineer, then you must be an engineer even if you do not want to. The thing is, he experienced life different from yours, what he deemed righteous may not make sense to you. The path he took up to this point is different from the path that you are now taking.

Fathers will always be critical of their sons (despite how twisted some can be). All they wanted is for their sons to be a better person than him.

A man must love his father and cherish his moments with him. Despite his shortcomings, he did what he could and choose what he thinks was best for everyone. Yet, a man must also live outside this father’s subtle expectations to be a free man. A free man must not be limited or burdened by his father’s critical eye. He must be free despite his fears to be deemed unworthy as his son. In doing so, he can achieve his self-judgment and become a man of his own making.

It is crucial to a man’s development to become free of his father’s expectation. To forge his path into the world. Yes, there would be heartbreaks along the way; but those are the lessons he must learn about life. His father only wants what’s best for him, but he also must forge his way and make his own mistakes. For a man to fully realize himself, he must live outside the comfort of his father’s wisdom.

Start doing things that might disappoint your father and be fearless. I know a lot of men are afraid to make mistakes, a lot is depending on us. A man’s life is after all, of service. But a man also should also be the best version of himself, unburdened by any limitation or fear.

For courage, freedom and our fathers!

“You have my whole heart. You always did. You’re the best guy. You always were.” 
― Cormac McCarthy, The Road

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