Don’t Be a Nice Guy, Be Good at Being a Guy

Greetings Barbarians! Long days and pleasant nights. 

Nice guys aren’t good guys. In reality, they are far from what being nice is all about. They are not kind or genuine. They are insecure and manipulative. A total opposite of what they claim to be. 

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It saddens me that masculinity is synonymous with toxicity these days. There is so much more to being a man. Yet, I cannot ignore the fact that some men are toxic indeed. 

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Based on my observations, there is no denying the crisis in masculinity today. Women today know more about being a man than men, and none can blame them. Since a nice guy refuses to pick up the slack, they do not have a choice but to pick it up themselves. 

4 Toxic Nice Guy Traits

While Nice Guys are only part of a bigger problem, they seem to be the most prevalent. But what exactly are nice guys? They are men who feign friendships and etiquette for relationships and sex. 

Nice Guys Needs Your Approval

Nice guys put women on a pedestal. When expressing their interest, they will treat women with intense adoration. Yet, they will drop the nice guy facade and exhibit resentful fury when rejected. 

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A nice guy connects his self-worth to the approval and behavior of a woman. As a result, they ignore their own opinions and emotions. When denied, they reach a breaking point and start blaming women. 

Nice Guys Love to Justify and Make Excuses

A nice guy has trouble accepting responsibilities. They never own up to their mistakes. Instead, they try to fix the reaction but never address the problems. And when they cannot, they justify and make excuses. 

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Instead of saying sorry and trying to solve a problem when confronted, a nice guy might say:

  • What is the big deal?
  • You don’t need to remind me!
  • I’m busy right now. 

Nice Guys are Manipulative

A nice guy’s generosity comes with a condition. When complimenting a woman, they expect to receive favors from her. Their nice guy entitlement would make you feel like you owe them something. As a result, they would do anything to guilt-trip you into doing what they want. 

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Of all the nice guy behavior, this one is the most despicable. They are selfish men who like to act as if they care. But in reality, they wanted women to fill a void – it was never because of love. They would scratch your back because they want you to scratch theirs. 

Nice Guys have Unhealthy Relationship With Sex

A nice guy likes you to think it was never about sex. But in truth, they use sex as a distraction from stress, loneliness, or other negative feelings. They use porn and masturbation as crutches in dealing with discomfort. 

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Nice guys treat sex as if it is a dirty little secret. They are ashamed of their sexual impulses. And they could do everything they can not get caught. Because of that, they would manipulate situations to keep their habit hidden. 

Be Good at Being a Guy

These days, if you are a man, you are either a jerk or a nice guy. If being a jerk means confidence, ambition, and assertiveness, then so be it. It is much better than being an insufferable nice guy. 

When it comes to being a man, your intentions matter. These includes:

  • Working on yourself
  • Owning your mistakes
  • Give out of love
  • Embracing your sexuality
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Now that I have given you the characteristics of a nice guy, it is time to ask yourself if you are one. Being a man does not happen overnight. It is a lifelong journey. The important thing is that you are true to your intentions and do what you can to be a man. 

To courage and freedom!

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3 thoughts on “Don’t Be a Nice Guy, Be Good at Being a Guy

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  1. I have been listening to the book No More Mr. Nice Guy who expounds on these thoughts. So true.

    Former nice guy working on being a fierce Gentleman.


  2. As a woman I have to say I have dated a few of these ‘nice guys’ and they are more trouble than they are worth, their lack of confidence makes the relationship toxic. I learned a lot from being with these kinds of guys. I am very glad I am with a guy who is right for me now and I am very happy- guys…be a kind person, but not a fake nice guy


  3. Mr. A, typically you posted this post mere hours after I’d come away from the computer to return to ‘housewife’ mode, but I could not get back here fast enough to like and comment on this post! So much of what you’ve said here is true, and had you written this post a year ago, I would have RAN from my ex poly partner! He even said that he was a “nice guy” on his profile, and me being me, me being someone who is honest and assumes that others will be honest with me (ahem, I was naive), I trusted him. I didn’t think “yikes! Not a ‘nice guy’, I best stay away”, instead I thought “aww, he seems like such a genuine and sweet person, I’ll trust him and get to know him” – that was my mistake.

    Nice guys, as you so correctly say, are NOT nice people – genuinely nice people don’t need to announce their niceness, they just are! Nice guys are controlling, clingy, needy, immature, argumentative,super-jealous and just all around not attractive men. I thought his tendency to text and email me at all hours of the day and night was cute at first, and I loved always having someone to talk to and bounce ideas off of (c’mon, what blogger wouldn’t, right?), but then there were little things that just weren’t right. I’d share a problem with him (because you know, partners also do that kinda stuff) and I can distinctly remember the time that he told me that “that sounds like a ‘you’ problem, not a ‘me’ problem”. What kind of sympathetic and supportive partner is that?!

    His petnames for me weren’t cute either. He never called me babe, honey, sweetie etc, all the usual petnames that guys call girls. The first one he gave me was “hellion”, which means to say “unruly child”, and I thought it was cute because hey, that was his name for me. “Nutbar” was another – just for having positive energy, apparently that makes a girl crazy? “Overachiever”, “pain in the ass”, shall I go on?

    At his worst, he wanted to approve of anything he deemed ‘too personal’ for me to post on my own blog, the blog that I pay for. Basically, if it was sexual (come on, kink is a large part of what I do!), then he needed to approve of it first. He wanted to be my ONLY Dominant, despite my repeated assertions that BDSM was already a longstanding part of my relationship with my husband and that it simply wasn’t feasible or fair. He tried to control what I ate for breakfast and he invaded into areas of my life that I hadn’t consented to, even going so far as to suggest that I should think about how he’d feel before being intimate with my husband. When I expressed my discomfort, he’d get angry and ignore me for several days, then come back and apologies but spin it that I’d somehow provoked him in my actions. In the end he told me that I’m not the submissive for him, which is fine – he’s not the “Dominant” for me either, nor for anyone with any sense, for that. Not least until he learns and improves.

    Speaking as a woman who has now been married to my husband for 9 years, happily, securely and successfully? The biggest secret to finding and keeping love is just to look after yourself and be yourself – oh, and good communication. One of the things I loved about my husband (that I admitted to him last night), was not that he wore cologne, but it was that, underneath it, I could still smell laundry detergent on him. He smelled real, normal and familiar, he smelled comfortable and safe to me. Matt was never anything more than with me. The first time I met him I was just stood by him, and I remember feeling like I was safe there. He never approached me, he let me approach him, and when we started dating, it was fish and chips from the freezer at the local store and I could like it or I could lump it, he liked football too and I could sit down and watch it with him or I could take myself elsewhere. He didn’t pull out the stops to impress me, only to be something else months down the line. He was confident and assured, but humble and kind at the same time. There were no fancy restaurants and expensive gifts, we cooked together, shopped together and supported one another, then when it came to big questions and our future together, it wasn’t very scary because we were already pros at it anyway! Oh, and if he doesn’t sound very romantic in all of this, he presented me with a copper puzzle piece keyring yesterday (a late anniversary gift) that fits his, and both are stamped with our our motto and wedding date. He also bought me a red patio rose because unlike cut roses, “true love doesn’t die, it only grows”. That, folks, is how you keep a girl 😉

    A great post as always Mr A! My apologies for taking over 🙂


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