Greetings Barbarians! Long days and pleasant nights. Before anything else, I apologize for my absence these past few weeks. I have had a tough time dealing with my mental health lately. On top of that, some aspects of my life needed my immediate attention. With that said, I am sorry.
Dealing with Anxiety and Depression
Much like February, March is somewhat challenging. Right now, I’m anxious and depressed. I guess the lack of sleep is starting to affect my mood. Plus, I am all cooped up in the house. I seldom have human interactions lately.
My fear of sinking again into depression is now happening. I guess it is inevitable. All I can do is manage the feeling of hopelessness.
There are moments when it feels like I am struggling for a future I no longer see. I keep reminding myself that nothing good comes out of rumination. I do my best to focus on the now. But there are times that I cannot help but dwell on the past and worry about the future.
It is tough, but I always try to get up from bed and carry on.
To somehow elevate my mood, I tried an ashwagandha supplement. Besides that, I try to get as much sun exposure as possible. It does help a little bit, but things could get overwhelming sometimes.
Despite my whirlwind of emotions, I try not to be a burden. I hate hearing myself complaining. So, I do what I can to keep it in. It can be lonely at times, but who would care? Things only get worse when I speak.
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Now, back to my post.
I may be a writer, but I am terrible at talking about my feelings. I smile and go about my day, hiding whatever bothers me. But it always shows – there is no hiding it.
The Need to Move Forward
All I can do is say that I am doing alright – and I am. It might not be optimal, but it is good enough to keep the ball rolling. Just this week, I saved enough money for my emergency fund. It is not a sizable amount, but enough to survive for a few months.
I may be struggling for a future I no longer see, but I cannot stop – a lot depends on me. I have a daughter to think about. She is my everything and the only reason why I keep trying.
Just the other day, she told me one of the reasons she admires me is that I follow my dreams. She continued saying, I do not have long nimble fingers, yet I pursued guitar playing. I was a weak kid growing up, but I played sports. I always defy expectations and prove other people wrong.
For now, I just wish to have enough strength to continue. I have been struggling since 2020, now I am exhausted. These days, I rely on sheer will to get me through. And now, I am in short supply.
To prevent this from going further, I am trying to stick to a routine despite my schedule. I wake up at 3 pm and make a cup of coffee. I feel a lot awful if I wake up much later. After that, I could read or watch Netflix before work.
Hopefully, I could find a way to hit the gym someday.
Finding Happiness
Dealing with depression can be daunting and soul-sucking. The worst part is that there is not much help from friends and family. Many of them are not equipped to deal with it.
Most of the time, you have to rely on yourself. You need to somehow manage not to sink in deep. You have to keep reminding yourself that this is not your fault – you are not a victim. It is natural. You must understand happiness is not about feeling good. It is about living a flourishing life.
So that is how my March went. I hope you somehow enjoyed reading about it. Again, I’m sorry for my absence. As you can see, I have a lot on my plate right now.
I am hoping to find time again to write next week! Thank you for your support. I appreciate it. Remember to like and share this post. Also, follow me on social media and support this blog by becoming a patron.
See you again next time. This is Mr. A reminding you to have a meaningful day and stay manly!
Check out my other posts:
- What Happened in February (2022)
- Getting a Massage: A Gentleman’s Guide
- The Desire For Freedom: Break The Chains That Bind You
To Courage and Freedom!
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A Barbarian in Gentlemen's Clothing 
((hugs))
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