What’s your best excuse to get out of an invitation?
I have learned not to turn down any invitations at all, and if I do – I better have a valid explanation about it. The thing is, you would never know what sort of opportunity would open up by going. The only time I intentionally declined an invitation was from one of my colleague’s wedding. I sensed that my ex and her current beau would be there. I am quite glad for them, but for some reason – they hated my guts, so I bailed.
When was the last time you ended a relationship of any kind? What was the nature of the relationship?
I am not the one to burn bridges unless it comes to the point that it is hopeless. No matter how toxic a person can be, I will always try to open my doors for them. The ex that I was talking about in #1, we still had a sexual relationship for months after we broke up. Yes, for months, I was a booty call, and it made me feel low and unworthy. So low that I begin to question myself, Is sex all there is in my relationships? After that, I told myself that I would not talk to her until I have something to be proud of.
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Tell us about a phone call or email that you needed to make but were apprehensive to do? Did you ever make the call or send the email?
To continue my story, the last time we had sex was November, and we are supposed to meet again in December. I was preparing to spend Christmas with her; I even bought Lang Leav’s Sad Girls as a gift. I never got the chance to give her that, and it was sitting on my shelf for some time. Recently, I have decided to unwrap that gift and add it to my collection of books. I never did anything that I could be proud of myself, so I never made that phone call to tell her how much she meant. It was much better that way if you ask me – she serves as a bitter reminder that love is not enough.
Tell us one or two things you do daily as self-care.
Finally, a question that does not make me think of an ex! I am sure you are aware of my situation; I am about to become homeless unless I cough up 7 million. I am at the end of my rope, and it is affecting my health. I am not getting enough sleep, I am worried, and I have a persistent cough that does not seem to go away. So, as an act of self-care, I have been doing some bedtime yoga for the past two nights. It helped in some of my back pain and shoulder pain, and a good night’s rest. I also have been trying to quit smoking for a while now. I have reduced my daily cigarette from a whole pack a day to eight sticks a day. It is difficult, and on most days, I am failing to stick to the program. I wish someday I could get by in a day without smoking.
What are you looking forward to in the holiday season or the coming new year?
Frankly, I do not feel I deserve Christmas. I have too much on my plate right now, I am about to lose our house, and I am tired. We did not bother putting up Christmas decorations and buying gifts this holiday. If it is not for some friends who sent my daughter some gifts – I would not think it is Christmas. I cannot thank them enough for this. To have people who wanted the best for my daughter and me – that is Christmas for me.
Now, for next year. I am thinking of how to supplement my income from blogging as well as writing a manuscript. I want to get published and make enough money to pay the bills but, I only have 24 hours a day; hopefully, I could manage. I wish I could catch a break real quick.
Bonus: In what situations, do you wish you could throw down a smoke bomb and disappear?
I cannot think of any situation that would make me want to do that. I am confident I could hold my own in most circumstances, and in moments I cannot, I would still try. I know right, so much confidence from a guy who felt unworthy because of a girl. What can I say – I am complicated.
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