Greetings Barbarians! Long days and pleasant nights!
We ought to manage our expectations when it comes to our relationships. After all, we all make mistakes at one point or the other – a healthy boundary is a must. I wish that it is the case in intimate relationships.
We get into relationships because we love the idea, and we stay in a relationship because we love the person. But, staying means raising our expectations – how can you not? We are opening our hearts and body to a person. We take off our masks and put ourselves in a vulnerable position. If not, then you still have not loved at all.
To be candid, I should not be the one to give advice, especially now that my current relationship is on the rocks. I schedule my topic each month – I was second-guessing myself on whether to write this or not. I have no intention of fanning an already raging fire, but it seems necessary to write about this. It is a job, after all – I have to write regardless of the condition.
If you are a man seeking mastery of his relationships, you need to know what is your woman’s priority. You have to recognize what is crucial to her as much as you know yours. If possible, you should focus more on their concerns than yours. You can always compromise, but you cannot expect others to compromise for you. In cases you can no longer compromise, you can always leave.
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In an intimate relationship, your woman is more than a housemate. She becomes a spiritual and sexual cohort. You would open up everything that you would rather not speak in front of others. Whether we are aware or not, we subject them to our ideas, ravings, and complaints. It is part of being in a relationship. If you are not letting your woman in, then what is the point of getting into relationships?
But ultimately, all those openness could drive your woman away – after all, she is not your therapist. Sooner or later, you will open up something or open up too much that will make her run away as far as she could from you.
This situation puts you in a perplexing position. If you do not open up and let your woman in, you alienate her; but if you open up, you alienate her still.
It is vital to know her priorities, not only at the beginning of the relationship but throughout. It is arduous work, and it requires diligence, but it is better than staying in an open-close limbo. Know her priorities and see if it aligns with yours, amend if needed. If you have exhausted every possible change – then you know what to do.
What if you do not have the slightest clue about her priorities? I suggest you figure it out soon before she figures it out for you. The easiest way would be to ask her directly, but the most skillful way is to observe. You focus on everything she does; you pay attention to her actions and focus on every word she says. Observe, interpret, and verify; make sure you do not mislead yourself. Once you figure out her priorities, then you will know what to do.
Relationships are hard work; you have to make compromises – otherwise, it would not work. As troublesome as it may seem, relationships should also bring you joy. It should bring you the sort of fulfillment that you cannot get anywhere else. It gives you the freedom to be yourself – free from all the pretentiousness of your daily life. But most of all, It gives you room to grow – why else be in a relationship if not by some extent; grow.
Know her priorities – find out what is important to her. Do what you can and do it well, but know when there is nothing you can do.
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To Courage, and Freedom, and Priorities!
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