Of Crippling Anxiety

Greetings Barbarians! Long days and pleasant nights.

I apologize for missing out on yesterday’s post and I will apologize in advance for this post. I’ve been having anxiety attacks since yesterday and I’m trying my best to cope. I’m having a hard time right now, so please, bear with me.

I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. It’s mid-October and I’m starting to worry. We still aren’t halfway through the money we need to pay the bank. To top things off, I’m in such poor health right now and I’m starting to be scared. I have a nasty cough for weeks now, and recently, my back is killing me.

The back pain may be nothing or it could be something. Maybe the times I spend slouching in front of a laptop is finally catching up to me. Or maybe it could be an early sign of pneumonia, which I’m hoping not. I’m monitoring my breathing patterns and I’m taking meds for the cough. Except for the back pain, I could say I’m good, sort of.

But I wish that was the case earlier today, yesterday, and the day before. My anxiety attacks got severe and I missed out on my Thursday post. My anxiety attacks range from mild, like a sense of uneasiness to full-blown “I can’t breathe” moments. The cough, coupled with the back pain and the difficulty in breathing from the anxiety attack, makes me think it’s COVID. Which in turn only exacerbates the attack and to be honest, COVID is never far from my mind.

Now, I want to be clear about something. I’m not a medical expert and all the stuff I talk about is based on what I experience. I am also not putting COVID and Anxiety disorders center stage. There are other people out there who are better equipped to talk about that. What I want to talk about is my experience in dealing with this, after all the initial goal of this blog is for therapy.

First, let me tell you the Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is treatable. It’s not a terminal disease that you can’t do anything about it, it is not an excuse. Now, I’m not downplaying its severity because, to be honest, GAD is a bitch. It is treatable and manageable but more times than not, you will lose. You will need all the help you can get because while it is treatable, it also is not easy.

It pays to have someone to talk to when things get bad. You don’t even have to talk about your anxieties, you just need someone to talk to about anything. I’m so lucky to have a daughter who always manages to keep me tethered. If there is someone out there who wants only the best for me, it is her. Lately, having Pancake around helped. Having someone to rationalize with help, especially on those severe attacks. You have to learn to tell the difference between helpful worries from the unhelpful ones

It would also help to have some lifestyle changes. Adopt a balanced diet that works for you or exercise, anything that could help you get busy. Dress well or find a hobby, anything that could help you focus. Learn relaxation techniques and try to avoid being idle. Learn to get yourself moving.

Lastly, learn to look at your worries from a different perspective. This one is the hardest because you have to go against yourself with this. You shouldn’t throw caution in the wind either, there are things you should be worried about. Get to know your fears and be friends with it, see the reason behind it. Learn to see both sides of the coin, your worries won’t go away because you choose to ignore it. Learn to see the good as well as the bad, and be more grounded. Learn how to balance.

Writing helps, and it did. I often say that this blog is as much about you as it is about me but this time, I’m writing on my behalf. I have something else to write but I’ve opted to go with this instead. I’m having a hard time and I’m trying my best to cope with it because, despite that, I still believe that life is good. There are good days as much as there are bad ones, and this blog is a testament to that.

This blog is my effort to cope with and overcome my anxieties. Every topic is related to my struggles and somehow aims to help you with yours. This blog is all about the things I’ve learned for better or worse.

Before I end this post, please check out my little fundraiser. In case you haven’t heard, we’re about to become homeless any day now. The bank could come in and drive us away. I’m doing everything I can to prevent that from happening but I can’t do it alone. If you got 500 pesos ($10) lying around somewhere, would you consider donating it to us?


I’m already at 73k pesos and I hope you could join me in my effort. It would be a great help to us and I would appreciate it so much. 

I’d like to thank my friends for their support during this difficult time. You made us believe that we are worth something when people seem to turn their backs on us. I’m so thankful for your friendship and support. I wish this would be over soon. Maraming salamat at mahal ko kayo!

To Courage and Freedom!

“Anxiety was born in the very same moment as mankind. And since we will never be able to master it, we will have to learn to live with it—just as we have learned to live with storms.”
― Paulo Coelho, Manuscript Found in Accra

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13 thoughts on “Of Crippling Anxiety

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  1. by writing honestly about all that you are going through does help others, thank you for sharing your heart and your words. It is such a human thing to want to be heard above the chaos of our lives. I cannot imagine the struggles you are going through, yet you offer hope through your writing. My prayers and thoughts are with you and I hope there is a way for you. As always hugs and love to you and your little girl.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Gina. This means a lot. I hope you are doing well yourself. Today, the back pain isn’t bothering me like it was yesterday. I hope my cough would be gone soon.
      Thank you for checking up on me, like I said, it helps to have someone to talk to. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hope you recover soon. And it is nothing serious. Please take care. Anytime you need a chat my friend, please text. I am well here, as well as can be in these times, anxiety sometimes gets the better of me and I just need to breathe (in my mask and face shield!..LOL!!)


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