I’m Tired, I’m Hopeless and I’m Scared

I always pride myself as a person who sees the silver lining in life but…

I always try my best not to complain about the cards that I’ve been dealt with. After all, we all have our struggles, and that doesn’t make me any special than the rest of you. My struggles, regardless of how severe, are not enough of an excuse for me to complain. You don’t subscribe to this blog for the drama and definitely, you don’t come here to hear me complain. 

I was talking to a friend the other day, asking for help. It’s been weeks since I moved the fundraiser to GoGetFunding, I’m running out of time and it hasn’t made any progress. My friend asked me if I had any other plans, to which I was quick to reply that it is the plan “Z”. I wasn’t kidding when I said that if I got other things to do, I wouldn’t do this, and if I got other places to be, I wouldn’t be here. No one likes to sound so desperate and no one likes to be at the mercy of others. If there was a job or an investment that would allow me to earn the money we need in a short amount of time, I’d drop everything and do that instead. But the reality is, no one would even get me as a proofreader for $5. If you got any suggestions, I would love to hear about it but I doubt that I haven’t thought of that. Believe me, I even thought of setting up an OnlyFans account to sell nudes if anyone would want them. 

No one likes their reputation tarnished. No one likes to explain the same thing over and over again only to get criticized at the end. No one likes to go to sleep defeated and wake up the next day only to repeat the cycle all over again. No one likes to pour their heart out in a blog post, hoping for someone to notice only to be dismissed. Yes, I’ve been getting a lot of views and a lot of likes but not even a click to the fundraiser. I only have more or less 74 days left and not even a click. 14 new followers in a day, if this was any other circumstance, I would be grateful. But not one of them even bothered to read the fundraiser, I can’t help but get tired of it. 

While I appreciate those who praised my efforts, some seem to take advantage of the situation. My spam folder is riddled with comments from bloggers that have things to say and end it with a link to their blog. Comments that  I can’t help but think they are piggybacking with the traffic. Then some spam-like posts in hopes to catch my attention. When someone liked a hundred posts in one minute, it’s hard not to think so. Then there are those people who I’ve known since we were kids, who talked to me with a sort of contempt. There was even this person who tried to recruit me in a scam when they found out that I have 4,000 followers. Then there’s this “nice story, bro” tweet and told me to reach out to my country’s officials and famous people. Believe me, I already tried even though they won’t even bat an eyelash to my plea. If they do, trust me, I wouldn’t even try to reach out to you. All I can do is try even if I don’t like it and now, I’m tired, hopeless, and scared.

I’m scared of the repercussions of being homeless for my kid. I have talked about the effect on my mother of losing the house but I never talked about what it means to my daughter. Nevermind me, I’ve been homeless twice, once when I lost my marriage and the other when L kicked me out of our house. I hate to bring my daughter into this but I’ve been thinking of sending her to her mother if ever we lose the house. I hate writing about this, I hate bringing in my daughter like this as if I’m holding you emotionally hostage. But if ever I went homeless again, she won’t have a future with me. She won’t have a future with a homeless, unemployed dad.

So again, despite my best efforts, I still end up being an irresponsible dad. 

Right now, I’m thinking about stopping and quitting the blog. Maybe, I should stop dreaming and do whatever everybody else is doing. I never did think I’m anything special, I’m just a simple small-town boy who dreamed of becoming somebody. Because when you don’t have much, what else can you do but to have faith and follow a dream.

So what now? I don’t know. As I’ve said, I’m tired, and I’m hopeless, and I’m scared. I don’t even want to ask you for anything anymore. I don’t like being a burden to friends. I don’t like tarnishing my reputation, I don’t like to feel desperate…

But I need to, I have to. For the sake of being a father who did everything he could for his child, I need to. Whatever it takes.

I would appreciate it if you could give me a bit of your time to read this (don’t just like the damn post, read for chrissake).

https://gogetfunding.com/help-me-save-my-mothers-house/

Also, here are a few words my friends say about me:

https://theresaly520.wordpress.com/2020/08/18/home-sweet-home/

https://erisgoesto.com/2020/09/09/a-friend-in-need/

If you found yourself asking, “why the hell should I spend my money on this bum?” here’s why. Besides being a decent human being, I will promote your book, blog, or anything you want me to. I would promote it in this blog and all my social media outlets. It doesn’t even have to be a huge amount. I would appreciate any help that I could get. 

If you don’t feel like donating to a bum, you could subscribe to my Patreon page. You could get access to exclusive content you can’t get anywhere else. Take part in Q&A and polls, you get to decide what content you want me to make. Make requests and get included in the credit section of my post. 

Please check out my Patreon page for more details.

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=32646507

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=32646507

You could offer me extra work. I started a gig on Fiverr as proofreader and editor, and I’m planning to add more gigs along the way. If you got any suggestions for the kind of extra work you need, please let me know in the comment section. Please check out my Fiverr gig for more details.

https://www.fiverr.com/share/GPwoda

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In case you are still having doubts, here is the list of good people who have supported me so far. I owe a lot to them and they could attest to everything I said.

And I almost forgot, read the damn post, like the damn post, and subscribe to this blog. Cheers!

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14 thoughts on “I’m Tired, I’m Hopeless and I’m Scared”

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    1. Hi hcmorris! It’s okay, I understand. Like I always say, times are tough. That is why I really hate asking, but I have to try. To be honest, I’m already tired of doing this but I have to keep on trying for my daughter’s sake.

      Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

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  3. I have hoped and I have prayed from across the oceans but I knew that this was a huge (if not impossible) goal to achieve. Fundraisers are nearly always useless, believe me, I know. I had a domestic fire back in 2016 and I set up a fundraiser for just £1,000 (67,797 PHP) to help us get back up on our feet after smoke damaged much of our home. How much did we receive? Absolutely nothing, not an iota, except mockery about how if we’d had contents insurance, we wouldn’t be asking for the help. It was a lesson learned on that front, but it was still our home.

    If I could have helped more, if I could transfer a few thousand pounds and wash away all of this debt for you, believe me I would. We’ve never even met, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care. You’re not just a reader or another blogger, to me, you’ve made the transition to becoming my friend. I don’t let my friends suffer if there is something more that I can do. To me, that’s a failure on my part.

    I’ve tried promoting your cause and I’ve tried imploring people to help. I know Mr Wolfie has donated too and I’m annoyed that you haven’t received more help, especially from people who know you. We are here with you in this frustration and we do hope and pray right with you for a miracle. It concerns me that you are thinking of selling your body in order to keep a roof over your head but I do understand it- I’ve been through similar levels of desperation myself.

    The one thing I want you to know and understand is that you are not nothing, and you most certainly are not a failure. You gave your little girl the best life you could, how many fathers out there walk away as soon as their partner falls pregnant? You are a Dad, and a good one at that. So you might not have had the best start in life and you might not be bathing in gold, but guess what? Nether am I, and neither are many other people. Many of us who blog are wanting exactly the same thing as you do, to be, do and feel like something in this world. We hope for success and a stable income just as much as many others do, but blogging is a cruel and often competitive place. I myself am considering dialling back the fancy bits next year for economic reasons, I can’t afford the £400+ that I’ve spent on my blog this year, every year. Dial it back if you have to, but please, please keep writing. You’ve got great talent and so much insight to add, it would be a tragic loss to the blogging community to lose you 🙂 xx

    Liked by 3 people

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    1. Aw… Thank you, Mrs. Wolfie. I want you to know that what you and Wolfie did, is already enough. I can’t thank you enough for that. Both of you are truly wonderful people.

      I’m sorry if the fundraiser didn’t turn out the way you’ve hoped for. I wish I could turn back time and help you with that, I really do. And if ever you needed help in the future, I won’t hesitate to do so. You have been an integral part of my journey and I’m lucky to have you both.

      Thank you, if there is something that I value anything in life, it is being a father. My daughter had it rough at a tender age, she already experienced disappointment even before she knew how to spell the word. That is why I want to give everything I could for her, I want to be the best dad I could be.

      Thank you so much. I know I still have a lot to prove in writing and I still got a lot to give. I want to stay the course as much as I could.

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      Reply

  4. I’ve been homeless for several weeks now (and been homeless before), but tomorrow I finally move into a new place though I’ve borrowed heavily to make it happen and that’s going to have repercussions… As someone who runs a blog I’ve found it very difficult to get people to donate money. I truly hope things get better for you, but I’m not in any financial shape to help anyone for the moment. I plan to release some e-books in the near future in the hope it might raise some money. Have you thought about publishing online? It might not solve all your problems, but it might help in some way. Anyway, stay strong xx

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Hi Joanne. I’m glad to hear that. Yeah, I trying my best for get by, thank you. Yeah, a friend was suggesting that I should start writing a manuscript. While yes, I think it was a great idea, but I’m a bit pressed for time right now. But who knows, this might be a catalyst.
      Thank you so much!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  5. I’m sorry I cannot be of any help but as someone that was raised by a single mother myself, I feel very touched by your story. I really, really wish you the best!
    I wish you to stay strong because your daughter needs you; regardless of what happens in the future, I hope you can be there for her. It’s a blessing having a Dad.
    I don’t know if it’ll be useful but I’ll try writing about tour situation on my blog, but I’m new and my followers are mostly young…
    Blessings! ❤❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

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