Know your Fears and Be Friends with It

Greetings Barbarians! Long days and pleasant nights!

What is freedom? The internet says it is the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. But what exactly is the thing that hinders you from doing, speaking or thinking what you want? My answer… fear.

I used to fear growing old alone; I’m fearful of the fact that with all what is out there, there is no one. It was until I was alone that I dared to accept that it is okay to be alone – I finally learned that life is okay. It was not bad, to begin with. I still have a family, my daughter, and my friends; I was free.

Freedom is to live a fearless life. While it is true that no man is without fear, that doesn’t mean we should cower to the pursuit of freedom. It is honorable for a man to acknowledge his limits and his fears. Only a fool pretends that he is enlightened without his actual fears realized.

A fool is much worse than a coward, at least a coward is in touch with his fears. A coward acknowledges his fears, albeit cannot find himself to face it – but maybe someday he would. A fool, on the other hand, is dishonest to himself about his fears. He lies to himself about his fears, not knowing what his true fears are thus unable to embrace it. Any man who claims he fears nothing is lying and those around him would know. Remember that a coward who is aware of his fears is far more trust-worthy than any fool who isn’t aware of theirs.

Contrary to what others say, fear is a good thing as it tells you where the edge is and what to do about it. The subject of whether fear needs conquering is up for debate, I’m certain that fear must be faced. Fear must be acknowledged and be friends with, it must be looked in the eye and see its rationale. The thing about fear is that whether it is rational or irrational, it always has a reason.

I wish I could say that fear is not real, but to think so is foolish. Turning a blind eye to fear will often result to ruin, as fear is a crucial piece of our survival instinct. Like an alarm, it alerts you of any impending danger. The key here is to realize that fear is as real as it gets but at the same time assess the actual danger. There is no point to limit yourself from fear of drowning with a glass of water.

Fear is primal; face it or cower from it but never ignore it. Recognize it, acquaint yourself to it – learn to control it so it does not limit you to the life that you always wanted.

As for my loneliness, it doesn’t matter if I go on alone because I never was alone when I think about it. The important thing is to go on living and try not to be afraid of it.

There are more pressing matters in life and those are the ones I should focus on. While yes, everyone needs a companion for life. My fear while it makes sense, has no sense of impending doom to it. It is safe to say that it is a non-essential to my everyday life. But what I would say is that companionship is needed for the enrichment of our lives and must not be neglected.

Fear will always be lurking around the corner; it is within us in our sleep and every waking hour. Fear will always be there to remind you of danger, but it will also remind us to take courage. Fear will not be a reminder of our weakness, but of our strength. So, get to know your fears and embrace them like a faithful friend.

To courage and freedom…

“I think that most people would rather face the light of a real enemy than the darkness of their imagined fears.”
― Max Brooks, World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War

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25 thoughts on “Know your Fears and Be Friends with It

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    1. Hi Betul! Thanks for dropping by!
      This may sound unpopular, but how much or how less fear plays a very little factor. In my opinion, it has something to do with the degree of one’s self-awareness has. Let say someone doesn’t know how to swim, of course, a fear of drowning would be completely understandable. Whether he teaches himself to swim or not is all entirely up to him.
      But that is just my 2cents of the matter and totally irrelevant.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thats just my 2cents of the matter.
        Like I said, fear is real but you have to assess how real the danger is.
        One cannot simply be afraid to drown in a glass of water.
        All in my opinion, of course.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. True! But some fear is so instinctive that it is hard to assess the danger with it. Then, I think it is more important not to challenge yourself, prepare yourself psychologically and then go back. If you are very afraid of swimming, I don’t think it makes sense to go over it right at that moment. Give it some time and go back. But that probably depends on personality. Some people can challenge themselves on the spot.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I’ve often wondered, what do we get out of lying to ourselves? Do we believe our own lies? I think fear will keep you from a lot of things. Yet sometimes it is necessary

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Like you say, the fear of being left all alone is a sad one but it’s not necessarily a vital one. I think it’s one of the most common fears if people are being honest. Chatting with people you know in IRL, even if they aren’t exactly a close friend or partner is really beneficial to mental health too.
    I used to be terribly arachnophobic, until I faced it and accepted it and dealt with it. Now it’s more a strong dislike, as long as they are away from me.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Timely topic…have been addressing my fears. Those that are from experiences many many years ago that I didn’t deal with then. That makes them larger and more powerful than they really are. Am learning new techniques on how to feel a fear physically in my body, and immediately release it. And thus reclaim my power. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Kris! Good to hear from ya!
      Wow, good job on that!
      My technique to high-stress situations including fear is to posture up and open up the chest area, accompanied by deep belly breaths. It somehow helps me slow the pace, and somehow think even thou I cant.
      Cheers to you and more power as always! 🍸

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ha! Yes those are 2 techniques my therapist shared—a heart/chest opener yoga pose and deep belly breathing. In the west, we default to focusing on the mind as a way to fix/control. I am fortunate to have found more balanced healers!! 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  4. They say fear is of the unknown. True as this may be at times I believe fear is also a individualized personal response based on past experiences. We all fear, but we all do not fear the same things? Evolutionary speaking, fear is an early primeval emotion that brains of all kinds, including ours, once used as a defensive “fight or flight” mechanism. But in today’s modern world how often is our human fight or flight needed?

    Yet we still retain this self-preservation mechanism from our cowering prehistoric days? In other words some fears are primordially ingrained in us while others are individually acquired. The latter we may best by facing down our fears down. The primordial fears? I’m not so sure?

    Liked by 1 person

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