Greetings Barbarians! Long days and pleasant nights!
I’ve been gone for a week and it feels great to write again! Last week had been tough, I get to tend to not one, but two sick children. I got my hands full, so I pushed back writing until things got better. But they’re better now and back to their playful smiles – now I’m relieved.
I’d be honest with you, being an unemployed solo dad is hard – but it was the single greatest thing I’ve ever done.
Many moons ago, I’ve dreamed of growing old with someone. I used to long for that feeling of being taken care of, coming home to a warm dinner waiting for me. But shit happens and things don’t always turn out the way you wanted to. I used to have very low self-esteem back then, I lack courage and heart. I was needy – until I learned how to man up…
Confidence is the result of your hardships – it is knowing what you’re capable of in times of difficulty. One cannot achieve true confidence with comfort and words. A man whoever thinks otherwise has been living in a bubble.
Freedom is attained by living a fearless life. No fear of any hardship, failure, or loneliness. A free man is the one who lives his life regardless of whatever is thrown at him. He is his own master, unable to be swayed by any condition.
Self-reliance helps to achieve both.
Self-reliance is hard, hence develops your confidence. Tackling hardships develops grace under pressure. It develops cool and quiet confidence that many don’t have. A healthy amount of stress is crucial for growth. Self-reliance lets you know what you’re made of.
Self-reliance is liberating, it develops a can-do attitude with or without anything. It sets you free from the things that you can live without – it liberates you from a rather dependent existence. It makes you carry your weight and stop being a nuisance to others.
Over the years here are a few things that self-reliance has taught me.
Stop blaming anybody when things don’t go your way. Is your mom or wife still making your lunch, and do you still get mad when they got it wrong? Guess what, you are not the boss of them. Stop blaming others for your misfortune, and start being responsible for yourself. No one will do the dishes, do the laundry or pay the bills for you but you. Get up on your feet and stop being a burden to somebody else. You gotta treat yourself as someone you needed to help instead of relying on others for help. That also includes avoiding catching other’s sympathy and making excuses. If a mistake is committed, own it up and try to make it right. Be grateful and responsible.
Not “knowing” is not an excuse. “I don’t know” is the most well-used excuse ever made. But guess what, knowing is your responsibility. If you don’t know something, it is best if you educate yourself about it. You can’t expect to go through life not knowing how to do some basic chores or household repairs. You’ll end up relying on others to do things for you. Knowing things and how to do them gives you that sense of quiet confidence and freedom. Not knowing makes you rely on those who do, and that makes you less free. Another thing, not knowing costs you money. Don’t know how to unclog a sink, I guess you must call the plumber for that. The thing is, you don’t need to be a master of a certain skill; you just need to know enough to get the job done.
Know what you want and start working. A lot of men these days got no idea what they want out of life. What happens is they bounce back to back in every situation in life instead of cutting through. Know what you want to get out of life and work hard to get there. Don’t stumble into situation upon situations. Learn to get what you want without being an asshole. Learn to focus on things that matter to you, things won’t happen just because you wanted it to. Find in yourself your deepest truths and get a move on. Set a goal and achieve it.
Make your own decisions and stick with it. Now that you’ve figured out what you want, despite how difficult it gets; you should stick with it. Avoid changing your mind because something is hard or worse because someone says so. I know that things will be tough but learn to manage on your own. I’d be honest, being on your own is challenging; it requires lots of sacrifices and pain. But at the same time, it is rewarding and very liberating. Your confidence would be the result of your hardships as you work your way towards autonomy. Don’t let the challenge scare you but rather use it as motivation, stand your ground and be strong.
Self-reliance does not mean you have to cut yourself off from anything. If anything, it allows you to connect yourself to others as it gives you confidence. It unloads them any burden and makes room for meaningful connections. The key is to balance out self-reliance, confident but not arrogant, free but always warm. Self-reliance is an act of love, directed at yourself; it should enhance you – making you a better you.
To courage, freedom, and self-reliance!
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