What I Learned from Being Self-Reliant

Greetings Barbarians! Long days and pleasant nights!

I’ve been gone for a week and it feels great to write again! Last week had been tough, I get to tend to not one, but two sick children. I got my hands full, so I pushed back writing until things got better. But they’re better now and back to their playful smiles – now I’m relieved.

I’d be honest with you, being an unemployed solo dad is hard – but it was the single greatest thing I’ve ever done.

Many moons ago, I’ve dreamed of growing old with someone. I used to long for that feeling of being taken care of, coming home to a warm dinner waiting for me. But shit happens and things don’t always turn out the way you wanted to. I used to have very low self-esteem back then, I lack courage and heart. I was needy – until I learned how to man up…

Confidence is the result of your hardships – it is knowing what you’re capable of in times of difficulty. One cannot achieve true confidence with comfort and words. A man whoever thinks otherwise has been living in a bubble.

Freedom is attained by living a fearless life. No fear of any hardship, failure, or loneliness. A free man is the one who lives his life regardless of whatever is thrown at him. He is his own master, unable to be swayed by any condition.

Self-reliance helps to achieve both.

Self-reliance is hard, hence develops your confidence. Tackling hardships develops grace under pressure. It develops cool and quiet confidence that many don’t have. A healthy amount of stress is crucial for growth. Self-reliance lets you know what you’re made of.

Self-reliance is liberating, it develops a can-do attitude with or without anything. It sets you free from the things that you can live without – it liberates you from a rather dependent existence. It makes you carry your weight and stop being a nuisance to others.

Over the years here are a few things that self-reliance has taught me.

Stop blaming anybody when things don’t go your way. Is your mom or wife still making your lunch, and do you still get mad when they got it wrong? Guess what, you are not the boss of them. Stop blaming others for your misfortune, and start being responsible for yourself. No one will do the dishes, do the laundry or pay the bills for you but you. Get up on your feet and stop being a burden to somebody else. You gotta treat yourself as someone you needed to help instead of relying on others for help. That also includes avoiding catching other’s sympathy and making excuses. If a mistake is committed, own it up and try to make it right. Be grateful and responsible.

Not “knowing” is not an excuse. “I don’t know” is the most well-used excuse ever made. But guess what, knowing is your responsibility. If you don’t know something, it is best if you educate yourself about it. You can’t expect to go through life not knowing how to do some basic chores or household repairs. You’ll end up relying on others to do things for you. Knowing things and how to do them gives you that sense of quiet confidence and freedom. Not knowing makes you rely on those who do, and that makes you less free. Another thing, not knowing costs you money. Don’t know how to unclog a sink, I guess you must call the plumber for that. The thing is, you don’t need to be a master of a certain skill; you just need to know enough to get the job done.

Know what you want and start working. A lot of men these days got no idea what they want out of life. What happens is they bounce back to back in every situation in life instead of cutting through. Know what you want to get out of life and work hard to get there. Don’t stumble into situation upon situations. Learn to get what you want without being an asshole. Learn to focus on things that matter to you, things won’t happen just because you wanted it to. Find in yourself your deepest truths and get a move on. Set a goal and achieve it. 

Make your own decisions and stick with it. Now that you’ve figured out what you want, despite how difficult it gets; you should stick with it. Avoid changing your mind because something is hard or worse because someone says so. I know that things will be tough but learn to manage on your own. I’d be honest, being on your own is challenging; it requires lots of sacrifices and pain. But at the same time, it is rewarding and very liberating. Your confidence would be the result of your hardships as you work your way towards autonomy. Don’t let the challenge scare you but rather use it as motivation, stand your ground and be strong.

Self-reliance does not mean you have to cut yourself off from anything. If anything, it allows you to connect yourself to others as it gives you confidence. It unloads them any burden and makes room for meaningful connections. The key is to balance out self-reliance, confident but not arrogant, free but always warm. Self-reliance is an act of love, directed at yourself; it should enhance you – making you a better you.

To courage, freedom, and self-reliance!

“It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson, The Complete Prose Works of Ralph Waldo Emerson

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20 thoughts on “What I Learned from Being Self-Reliant

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  1. I finished reading this smiling 🙂
    My fave part is “not knowing is not an excuse”. In this time and age, information is literally everywhere and it is up to us to put it to good use, or waste it

    Welcome back Mr. A!!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Now that reminded of a line from the The Mentalist, “what you don’t know is what you know without you knowing it”. To educate yourself really is the way 🙂
        Thank you again for this.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Well, im well aware that one cannot be all-knowing or fully free (fearless).
        But one shouldn’t allow that to be a limiting factor in making progress. I’ve learned well enough in life that stepping your foot forward is one of the best things you could do.


  2. Interesting article with a lot of good points, Mr. A.

    As learned: One person’s reason is another’s excuse…Excuse being a judgment (towards self of from self regarding another’s reason).

    Ignorance: Refers to the state of not knowing…until…It is known. By what manner or venue does one come into knowledge that another knows? Do all know what another knows, and…is it an excuse to say “I didn’t know that, but now I know (and agree or don’t agree…or agree to disagree…based on so many human dynamics and personal history no one may possibly know. Is that an excuse? Or is that a reason?

    There is a lot of advice on the internet. What empowers? What disempowers? What encourages (to bring courage out from within another to face fear)? What instills fear (to which courage is needed to surmount…which implies there is, indeed, fear where ever courage is needed…for fear is normal, and the fearless…I’ve never met such a creature, though I have met many with great courage).

    Just consideration. There is a great deal of truth in this article. I would make no excuse for any thing stated here, and I see a great deal of reason why these things are said here…and all reason is valid. I would make no excuse for it because I know it took a lot of courage to go through what you went through to gain your knowledge and wisdom as shared.

    I would not see you as fearless, but I would see you as someone with tremendous courage.


    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yeah you nailed it!!! I admire you for being the best dad and probably the coolest one. Juggling being both the mom and the dad the provider and the care giver is the hardest job somebody could ever have. You have the right to talk about this topic because you are a self reliant family man. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, thank you for that!
      It’s tough, but it certainly is rewarding.
      A lot of explaining to be done, in a manner that a child could understand.
      Rewarding in the sense that her simple gestures could prevent my heart from getting too cold.
      I’ll stop right there before things get too dramatic! Hahahaha!
      Cheers to you! 🍸

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aaw. I’m pretty sure it is the most rewarding feeling in the world – raising your own baby. 🙂 You have to be very proud of yourself, you’re doing an excellent job. And somewhat your dynamics as father and daughter is extra special compared to others.


  4. Hi there,
    You got me hooked from many moons ago. Inspiring words. The loved the way you kept your language simple and neat. I really enjoyed reading your work without having the feeling of oh god when will it end
    Keep blogging and inspiring others
    Have a great day
    Regards dessert flower 🌸

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Dessert Flower! Thanks for joining in.
      I’m glad that you enjoyed it and that’s very observant of you. I really like to keep it simple and avoid overcomplicated words that none would understand.
      As for keeping in brief, yeah I hate reading long winded paragraphs. It’s easy to get lost that way. It also makes a very good point seem absurd.

      Anyways, thanks for that very good observation. and more power to yah! Cheers!


      1. Oh wow really. Than hope you have good ending to the day than. Same here in India too it’s 7 o’clock in the evening

        Liked by 1 person

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