Do not Shrivel up and Die…

Greetings Barbarians! Long days and pleasant nights!

People get hurt when it is time for them to get hurt. It is as inevitable as the dawning of a new day.

Hurt is that project you failed or that woman you like who’s getting married in a few days. It is certain as life itself and one cannot bask in its beauty without first experiencing it.

I’m devastated at the collapse of my marriage; I had difficulties accepting the fact that I am a lesser man. I have become withdrawn because of the hurt, unable to take even the simplest joy in life. Mere annoyance will throw me off to furious anger yet every night, I cried myself to sleep. I have become withdrawn that even the next relationship, while I am happy, didn’t give me any fulfillment at all. I was always expecting her to take care of me. I’m still hurt and worse, I allowed myself to be weak – I never let go of the hurt.

I have not always been Mr. A.

Mr. A is my ideals I set for myself, he is the better me – but he is still me, nonetheless.

He is a persona, a mask that I put on; but he is not a lie or a façade. He is the best that I could be, my aspirations – the one whom I want to become.

Over the years, there is one lesson that I always keep in my heart as a man; that is “you are what you do”. If you act like a coward, then you are a coward; if you act as if you are defeated, then you are already defeated. Hurt and disappointment is a fact of life, but how you act to those facts is up to you.

Withdrawal is a default reaction to hurt. When hurt, you find it difficult to look someone in the eyes, our chest contracts and become tense. Our bellies hardened, and our spine shriveled – in short, we make ourselves insignificant. Such is an unskillful reaction to hurt.

If we make ourselves insignificant, how can you expect others to take you seriously? How can you get the job, if you don’t act the part? How can you be a man, well… if you don’t act like one? You see, authenticity is a word that gets thrown a lot these days. A man must embrace what he feels to be happy. But what if I say that, that is not the case for men? Yes, a man must be genuine, but he must also not dwell on his weaknesses. “Why?” you ask because a lot depends on us men.

How many women and children, must man-up because some men are unable to control their reaction to hurt? No wonder why some women see us like trash because some men gave them a reason to. Master your reaction to hurt, don’t just shrivel up and die at the first sign of it. A free man opens himself in times of withdrawal. Open the front of your body to ease the tension in your chest. Erect yourself, stand or sit straight and full. Keep your head up and look straight into the eyes of those who hurt you. Own your hurt and acknowledge the hurt of others. Let your breaths be deep and full, only then you can manifest your whole self into the situation. Do not let the hurt kill you from the inside but instead, live to the fullest in these moments with an open heart.

The important thing is not letting the hurt make you any less of a man. A man’s hurt requires him at his fullest. He must feel his hurt so that he could conquer it, he must not withdraw himself or he won’t fully live. He must not succumb to his weakness to realize himself as a man.

The poor, the stressed, and the weak are always the ones to die first. Those who don’t value themselves can’t expect others to value them. A withdrawn man cannot feel anything thus unable to act to his surroundings. A free man is open to give his fullest gifts amidst the hurt.

Embrace the hurt, but don’t shrivel up and die.

For courage and freedom and the things that are trying to kill us!

“Face your life, its pain, its pleasure, leave no path untaken.” 
― Neil Gaiman, The Graveyard Book

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37 thoughts on “Do not Shrivel up and Die…”

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  2. This reminds of the line from Iris, “you bleed just to know you’re alive”.

    As ironic as it may seem, pain is an identifier of life.

    This is a beautiful work Mr. A, like a diamond piece, it shines at different angles. Thank you!

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  4.  /to ease the tension in your chest. Erect yourself, stand or sit straight and full. Keep your head up and look straight into the eyes of those who hurt you…Let your breaths be deep and full, only then you can manifest your whole self into the situation/

    Dig this much. The mental creates the physical and the physical affects the mental. Forget Cartesian dualism. The mind and body work together and can work through our pain.

    Glad you make and share.

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  5. I once read this study that talked about physical movement and the effect it can have, not only in communicating to other people but how some stances trigger our own innate attitudes. It was really interesting! As an example (mostly for men I think) that by standing straight/erect with a solid shoulder width spreading of the feet, if we place our hands on our hips (forward not backwards) it triggers self esteeming. I does work when I think to remember to do it.

    In my mind, I simply can not…separate men from women as creatures obliged to one another; as victims and also saviors. If one can say that women can be pissed off because some men trash them, then there is no way, in turn, some men do not escape the same fate as women have their own power of influence to harm and/or nurture doing both in any change of instance and/or circumstance… equally true for men…both cursing throughout the entire lifespan.

    And this may be acknowledge without despairing the human nature we share straight across the board as we gain…or attempt to gain our mastery, not of each other but of ourselves…our human selves in time and moving past the hinderances that crop up…and they do.

    Kübler-Ross five stages of grief originally meant to apply to the dying hospice patient, but the principles apply to all grief from loss: Anger, Denial, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance always vying until the loss is reconciled in time. It’s a human process. Grief!

    This is a great article. Thanks.

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    1. Hi Ian!
      I think there is a fundamental difference between men and women. Not that one this is better than the other, just different.

      The physical and the chemical make up is different, the abundance of testosterone in men and in women, estrogen.

      Another difference i found out (but i could be wrong) is on the motivation between the masculine and feminine essence (not necesarry the gender of the person but rather how they think). Masculine essence is more action driven, meaning what they do is what they feel. While the feminine essence is more emotion driven, what they feel is what they do. But like I said I could be wrong.

      Cheers!

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      1. Hey Mr. A!

        Nope, you’re not wrong at all! Functional difference; the differences between men and women physically…biological roles driven by hormones and/or conditioning. Absolutely there is a difference!

        Feelings? Testosterone more aggression and assertion. Estrogen? Nurture. Of both? Their respective Source of feelings are differently motivated but only to a degree. This is primal. It works. Two natures within one shared nature …human nature.

        Betrayal…is there a difference between how these feel between men and woman? Love? Hate? deceit? cruelty? Helpfulness and honoring? Respect?

        There is sameness between men and women, too; love, hate, malice and benevolence…human attribute?

        Has any man ever been scarred by a woman’s wrath even when NOT justified (yep). There’s two women’s prisons here in California…For murder (and just about anything a man can do…a woman can do…I know this personally).

        I think…the idea about what men think of women and what women think of men…eh…sometimes beyond the functional differences I think men and women can be very unfair to each other; idolizing and also…despising based on ideas.

        I believe in honoring the practical differences between men and women…I mean truly Honor those differences, their functions/purpose…and that the nature of that the exalted purpose is beautiful (or you and I wouldn’t be here), AND…there is also human nature. If either gender is wonderful and great…give it credit for what it is and why it is…

        and if not so great…the same applies.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I love,love,love,this article. Men, where do I began. Everything is always taken to heart and many retaliate in hate and violence because of their broken ego. Get they say women are too emotional.

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  9. I’ve been spending some time browsing your sites. I admired your honesty. Thanks for sharing. “Embrace the hurt, but don’t shrivel up and die.” that’s the only thing to moved on.

    Liked by 1 person

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      9. hahaha nakakatanda talaga ang pagtatagalog, buti mag-english na lng kahit wrong grammar okay lng sakin hehehe. Actually, I’ve been reading a lot these past few days looking for some inspiration then I stumble on your sites.

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Hindi nmn mam, courtesy lng. But I’m glad that you stumble on my blog. Thank you for that.

        I was actually looking for your blog, but it says its been deleted.

        Like

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