Greetings Barbarians! Long days and pleasant nights!
People get hurt when it is time for them to get hurt. It is as inevitable as the dawning of a new day.
Hurt is that project you failed or that woman you like who’s getting married in a few days. It is certain as life itself and one cannot bask in its beauty without first experiencing it.
I’m devastated at the collapse of my marriage; I had difficulties accepting the fact that I am a lesser man. I have become withdrawn because of the hurt, unable to take even the simplest joy in life. Mere annoyance will throw me off to furious anger yet every night, I cried myself to sleep. I have become withdrawn that even the next relationship, while I am happy, didn’t give me any fulfillment at all. I was always expecting her to take care of me. I’m still hurt and worse, I allowed myself to be weak – I never let go of the hurt.
I have not always been Mr. A.
Mr. A is my ideals I set for myself, he is the better me – but he is still me, nonetheless.
He is a persona, a mask that I put on; but he is not a lie or a façade. He is the best that I could be, my aspirations – the one whom I want to become.
Over the years, there is one lesson that I always keep in my heart as a man; that is “you are what you do”. If you act like a coward, then you are a coward; if you act as if you are defeated, then you are already defeated. Hurt and disappointment is a fact of life, but how you act to those facts is up to you.
Withdrawal is a default reaction to hurt. When hurt, you find it difficult to look someone in the eyes, our chest contracts and become tense. Our bellies hardened, and our spine shriveled – in short, we make ourselves insignificant. Such is an unskillful reaction to hurt.
If we make ourselves insignificant, how can you expect others to take you seriously? How can you get the job, if you don’t act the part? How can you be a man, well… if you don’t act like one? You see, authenticity is a word that gets thrown a lot these days. A man must embrace what he feels to be happy. But what if I say that, that is not the case for men? Yes, a man must be genuine, but he must also not dwell on his weaknesses. “Why?” you ask because a lot depends on us men.
How many women and children, must man-up because some men are unable to control their reaction to hurt? No wonder why some women see us like trash because some men gave them a reason to. Master your reaction to hurt, don’t just shrivel up and die at the first sign of it. A free man opens himself in times of withdrawal. Open the front of your body to ease the tension in your chest. Erect yourself, stand or sit straight and full. Keep your head up and look straight into the eyes of those who hurt you. Own your hurt and acknowledge the hurt of others. Let your breaths be deep and full, only then you can manifest your whole self into the situation. Do not let the hurt kill you from the inside but instead, live to the fullest in these moments with an open heart.
The important thing is not letting the hurt make you any less of a man. A man’s hurt requires him at his fullest. He must feel his hurt so that he could conquer it, he must not withdraw himself or he won’t fully live. He must not succumb to his weakness to realize himself as a man.
The poor, the stressed, and the weak are always the ones to die first. Those who don’t value themselves can’t expect others to value them. A withdrawn man cannot feel anything thus unable to act to his surroundings. A free man is open to give his fullest gifts amidst the hurt.
Embrace the hurt, but don’t shrivel up and die.
For courage and freedom and the things that are trying to kill us!
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